Help and Hope after the Loss of a Child
As their first baby’s due date approached, Grace and Ryan Gilles were brimming with excitement and anticipation of becoming parents. Grace’s pregnancy had been healthy and uneventful, and they were feeling prepared for their baby to arrive. “We had done our at-home birthing class, decorated the nursery, and set up all of our new baby equipment we received at our shower,” shares Grace.
On the morning of their due date, Grace began having contractions as expected, but what followed was not part of their plan. During labor, their baby girl’s heart stopped beating. They rushed to the hospital, still hopeful that she would be okay. Grace gave birth November 12, 2020, to a beautiful — but stillborn — baby, Joan Margaret Gilles.
“We spoke with multiple nurses, doctors, and specialists, only to be told repeatedly that there was nothing wrong with our daughter, and there was nothing we did or could have done differently,” Grace says. “The fact that this is just something that can simply happen was a difficult truth to swallow.”
The loss devastated their entire family, and they shared a collective desire to do something positive with their pain. It started with a GoFundMe campaign. “We wanted to create a memorial space for Joan, where her short but deeply significant life would be remembered and where her story could be shared,” Ryan remarks. “What we were not prepared for was the amount of money that campaign would raise.”
Grace and Ryan wanted to donate any additional money from the campaign to another resource for families who had experienced a similar loss. Joan’s aunt, Leigh Button, suggested creating an endowed fund — something their family could continue to grow that would create change on a larger scale. And from there, the Joan M. Gilles Memorial Fund was established. This permanent endowment assists the work being done by the UW Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology in the area of infant loss. It will also be used to raise community awareness around infant loss and stillbirth and support efforts, including community education, events, and partnership building between the department and other organizations working in the same sphere.
“I reached out to some colleagues at the Wisconsin Foundation and Alumni Association, and they recommended the UW Health Hope after Loss Clinic,” Button offers. “The family met with Dr. Kristen Sharp, the founder of the clinic, and everyone was touched by her passion for serving those experiencing pregnancy and infant loss. We want the Hope after Loss Clinic to continue to expand its reach — it’s one of only a handful of clinics in the country serving those who experience pregnancy and infant loss, which occurs in one in four pregnancies.”
After the loss of her own baby, Sharp wanted to provide more resources for grieving families. “Our goal at the Hope after Loss Clinic is to provide personalized care to each family and focus not only on their medical needs but also on their emotional needs,” shares Sharp, clinical associate professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology. “We provide follow-up care after a loss, preconception counseling, counseling services with clinical psychologist Julianne Zweifel ‘87, and prenatal/obstetric care for patients who are pregnant after a prior loss. The support of the Gilles and Button families has allowed us to pursue this work and help families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss.”
The Gilles and Button families hail from Waunakee, WI, and together, they continued their support by hosting a fundraiser this fall, which coincided with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October. This type of event can help those dealing with their own grief or who wish to memorialize a loved one.
“Giving back has offered us the opportunity to take the worst thing that has ever happened to our family and create something good,” says Grace. “It is our hope that the money raised through the endowment fund will help the Hope after Loss Clinic continue to pave the way for more clinics of its kind across the country. There is no shame in the loss of a child, only immeasurable grief — a grief that doesn’t have to be carried alone. We want our fund to aid in the push to destigmatize the discussion of miscarriage and stillbirth so that others can get the proper mental and physical care from their providers the same way our family has.”
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